International Adoption

A lot of work goes into the process of adopting internationally.  Our staff is available to assist Northern Michigan families with two important aspects of the endeavor; namely, the home study and subsequent post-placement reports.  To our way of thinking, these requirements are not hoops for folks to jump through.  Rather, they are meaningful opportunities for families to gear up for the excitement and challenges of adoption.

We have learned a great deal from our long and distinguished work with domestic adoption.  Foremost among the lessons learned is that adoptive parents and birthparents have been portrayed as adversaries far too long.  The richness of adoption precludes narrow, either-or thinking; adopted children fare best when they are encouraged to enjoy both of their heritages, birth and adoptive.  

We are impressed with the potential of international adoption.  It has blessed the lives of countless adoptive parents.  It has enriched our communities and called us to grow beyond our too often parochial thinking.  Most importantly, international adoption has made a difference for children.  It has brought the warmth of family life to kids who might otherwise have known only the chill of institutional living.  In the most dramatic instances, it has literally meant the difference between life and death.

With that positive appraisal of international adoption clearly stated, we do have some concerns that we’d like to bring to your attention.

First, we worry about some of the ways children become available for adoption.  Because there is potential for unscrupulous dealings, it is vital that potential adoptive parents work with experienced, highly reputed international service providers.

Second, we worry that some prospective parents pursue adoption internationally in an effort to avoid birthparents.  We have heard international service providers literally chortle over the fact that there are no birthparents to take into account.  That line of thought saddens us for several reasons.  How, we wonder, can anyone delight in the tragedy of a rootless child?  What is more, we think it is nonsense to speak of “birthparentless adoption”—there are no children if there are no parents!  Our familiarity with the old closed system of adoption in our own country has taught us that birthparents, involved or uninvolved, are always of great interest to adoptive persons.  If birthparents are not known as real persons, they may exist even more vividly as figures in imagination of the children.  Speaking plainly, we fully understand that there will be situations in international adoption in which there is no knowledge of or access to a child’s first family, but we will not rejoice in the fact.  Rather, we will work with families to help them creatively deal with the implications of their child’s losses.   

Third, we worry that some very well meaning prospective parents approach international with the naïve assumption that love can conquer anything.  Love is amazing, but there are times when parenting calls for more than love can offer.  No doubt some people turn to international adoption because they think it is “safe” or “trouble-free.”  Well, it is surely true that most of these adoptions go according to plan.  In fact, things often work out better than anyone expected.  But sometimes they don’t.  Sometimes there are bumps in the road.  Sometimes folks underestimate the challenges—medical, emotional, linguistic, and social to mention a few—that the children present.  

What does all this mean?  It means that we want to be realistic as we approach these life-altering journeys.  We don’t want to pretend that challenges of international adoption are insignificant.  If you share this optimistic yet realistic view of adoption, we might be the community resource of choice for you.